


Of Falling And Flying

by OpaqueXApathy



Category: The Expendables (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Male Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-04
Updated: 2014-01-04
Packaged: 2018-01-07 11:11:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1119157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OpaqueXApathy/pseuds/OpaqueXApathy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Barney Ross finds his newly formed mercenary team a few men short he travels to Venice in search of the one man he thinks can help. Problem is, the British SAS officer in question is both uninterested in joining and also incapable. But Barney isn't the least bit interested in giving up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Broken Wings

The jungle was thick and humid, the air damp and hot – making it all the harder to breathe as the three soldiers running through it struggled to keep ahead of the Vietnamese soldiers behind them. Gunshots came all but inches from their faces, hitting the trees around them – exploding the bark and decimating the branches.

Barney Ross was hit, he hadn't been completely lucky this time, blood running down his side from a crease in the bulletproof vest that hadn't been able to protect him. His lungs burned, his feet felt heavy and at the moment, he felt every single one of his years. The only one doing better, yelling at them to keep going as Gunner practically hauled Barney through the jungle as his vision threatened to swim out of his control was Yang. He wasn't that much younger then them but right now, the difference was showing, and twenty something years was a vast number.

“You fall – you die.” Gunner said to him, fisting his hand tighter in his jacket.

He knew that, he knew that all too well, gritting his teeth and pushing himself further, faster – as hard as he could with all that he had left.

Sunlight broke out amongst the trees, Barney nearly stumbling against the sudden shock of it from the densely packed jungle they'd been running through seconds before – his boots thickly hitting the mud of the bank of the river where they'd left the plane and threatening to slip but Gunner kept him upright. With a grunt and the barest of slips of his own, he took the majority of Barney's weight with one hand and arm, driving him towards the plane with determined steps.

Close wasn't even going to be a word for this one.

“C'mon!” Gunner said gutturally, barely flinching as the bullets started to come closer than ever before, all but throwing Barney into the plane. It was nothing personal. Gunner was Gunner. And they didn't have time to be gentle.

Barney was dizzy, he knew he had to get the plane into the air – blinking his eyes hard as he stumbled his way towards the cockpit, hands feeling along the metal bulkheads until he reached it and all but fell into the pilots chair. He could hear Gunner laying down suppressive fire from the side hatch as the tall Swede climbed inside,Yang quickly getting into the chair beside their injured team leader.

"I'll help.”

“You better know what you're doing.” Barney managed grimly, both over the sound of gunfire and the roar of the plane engine as he pushed the throttle forward.

Yang didn't. Not even slightly. But it was the thought, Barney supposed, that counted.

 

* * *

“We need more men.”

Barney spared his Chinese teammate across the room a glance, finding a smile somewhere beneath his pain and fatigue. Bandages covered his side and his left thigh – he'd been shot more than once – and a cut over his eye made seeing out of it difficult and painful. All he _could_ spare was a glance. Anything else made his head hurt.

“It's not as easy as you make it sound.”

From somewhere in the shadows, Gunner looked up from where he was sharpening his knife – sitting near to the corner a bit precariously on a bar stool – long legs the only thing supporting him, feet planted on the floor and back to the wall. “What-” he snorted with a bit of humor, “Mercenaries and people looking for our line of work hard to trust?”

“Yeah kinda.” Barney replied but with a bit of the shared humor.

“Doesn't change the fact that he's right.” Gunner said, icy blue gaze highlighted from the sun coming in from the window over his shoulder, “You passed out in the air.”

“I didn't know how to fly the plane. I didn't know how to land the plane-” Yang said, “I'm not a pilot.”

A pilot. 

For a split second Barney's gaze became unfocused, settling on the table in front of him but not exactly seeing it. He'd known a pilot, an incredible soldier. One that maybe he'd loved too much for his line of work. Whom he'd _definitely_ developed too much feelings for considering their line of work. Especially their kind.

“If Gunner hadn't helped we would be dead.” Yang continued with typical tenacity, enunciating his words far more clearly than usual to push the point across that much further. The youngest of the three men, he didn't look pleased, his face schooled into a stoic expression of annoyance and determination. When Yang had a point to make he rarely let it go until it was made. While most days Barney with his unflappable patience found it a bit amusing, right now and with a certain someone dragged from his memories jarringly he couldn't find the humor.

“All right I know what happened!” Barney said gruffly, pushing himself to his feet and biting back on the pain that the motion caused. Taking a breath to calm himself, he tried to make his voice assuring – placating. He knew this was a real issue. He also knew that now Yang was never going to let him hear the end of it and Gunner was going to keep staring at him with that knowing gaze of his, thinking the same thing. 

“I know we need more men.” he hesitated and drew in a short breath.

“You know someone.” Gunner said, his eyes settling on Barney heavily with an unwavering gaze that sometimes border lined on sedate. One wouldn't think a man that big, who came off sometimes as damn near half awake, might not be as dangerous. Except for the fact that he had all the presence of a psychopath with an intelligence about him that was impossible to miss to match.

Right now it just irritated Barney, who forced out gruffly, “Maybe.”

“What do you mean maybe?” Yang pressed.

“I mean maybe.” Barney said, reigning in his repressed feelings again and giving the shorter man an amused look. Yang certainly had a way of not liking to let things go or beat around the bush. Barney respected that, but he didn't feel like going down the road his thoughts were taking him. Even though everything else inside him did.

Barney sighed and motioned with his hand a bit towards them halfheartedly, “We have some time off. I'll think about it.” Giving a glance between Yang and Gunner, he motioned to the man in the corner, “Don't let him out of your sight.” he smiled a bit to a Yang.

“Never.” Yang smiled, glancing back at his partner – who just snorted.

Barney breathed a slight laugh, or it would have been if he'd had the energy, and turned away. He knew they were off balance. He knew the three of them just weren't cutting it. For smaller jobs it had been enough. But now the stakes were getting bigger and he knew they didn't have enough men or the right men. He knew they needed an even amount of people, they all needed partners, they needed at least a field medic and someone specifically specialized in heavy artillery. Gunner was good when it came to the last one. Real good. But recently he had been getting overworked.

Barney paused outside his bedroom doorway and gave a heavy, weary sigh. They needed a pilot. A pilot that could hold his own in combat and have the strength to stand alongside The Expendables. And the one man in particular he was thinking of was perfect for the job in all ways and in any respects. The problem came down to convincing him of that.

 

_Two Weeks Later – Venice_

The pilot in question hadn't been easy to find. Not only that, but Barney knew that if he didn't want to be found – he wouldn’t be. He'd heard from his contacts that he'd taken up jobs as a transporter. Which was in other words a personal driver of all sorts of illegal items you wouldn't want going through customs.

Wasn't too shocking, considering how good of a pilot he'd been in the air. Anything with some sort of steering wheel and it sounded just like the man to master it. And given the whole reason for his mostly recent honorable psychological discharge from the British SAS … it wasn't too shocking that he was sticking to land now instead of air and water.

The man formerly named Liam Ryan had once been the best the SAS had ever seen. Specializing in knife fighting but an all around great fighter on his own two feet as well, nothing the SAS had thrown at him could really knock him down. He'd excelled in everything, graduating honorably at the top of his training and going well and beyond from there. That was about when Barney had met him. He'd been doing a job in Israel and they'd been thrown together in some real shit.

In the end it had taken both of their considerable skills to get them out and Barney had never forgotten just how well of a team they'd made. It wasn't a thing that had needed thought, it wasn't a question of asking and making decisions and talking it out. Sure there had been some arguing but when it came right down to it they'd moved like a pair of soldiers that had been working together for years. No thought, no talking, just reaction. Not so shockingly that's probably what had landed them in the same bed together.

The thought. No talking. Just reaction.

It had been hot and it had been heavy and just like combat it hadn't needed thought or talking. But afterwords they'd likely run from the same thing. The depth of the feeling in it, accidental on both their parts, was something he didn't feel like either of them could at the time deal with. So they'd parted ways and they'd been okay with that. The emptiness afterwords... that hadn't been so okay. But Barney had learned to deal with it, move on. Pretty much. He'd spent a lot of time convincing himself that he just couldn't have what they'd experienced. Not with the life he had and still had.

That was fifteen years ago and he knew everything was different now. It felt different. Barney had The Expendables and Liam seemed like he needed it as much as they needed him. This felt right. The time definitely felt like now. Liam could fool himself all he wanted that building up a reputation as the best transporter in the business was a good life – a way to live, but Barney knew he was getting too hot for where he was. Why he hadn't left already was beyond him but he thought he knew why.

He didn't know the details but the psychological discharge had something to do with an accident over the Red Sea. A plane crash of some sort. He had a feeling it had to be bad. The man seemed happiest not on the ground but up in the sky. The fact he hadn't left the country suggested he might not be able. And that clued Barney in to just how bad this might be. He was determined to give him his wings back. Question now though was finding him.

He knew Liam had contacts too, he knew he knew this area, which left Barney at a considerable disadvantage. He also knew that he knew names. It was another reason to find him. Together they could build The Expendables back up. The Expendables needed a fighter and pilot like Liam. Desperately. And the former SAS officer could help fill in more names that they needed. It fit and it was right and that was all that was on his mind. He tried to keep telling himself that.

The cafe that had led him to the here and now was quiet, busy but not overly so. Barney, cap low over his face, idly read a newspaper but he wasn't too interested, or in the coffee he was drinking more for appearances. It had never done much for him. He appreciated it now and then but he preferred to move on his own power.

“I heard you've been looking for me.”

Barney smiled, not looking over in the direction of the voice and fighting back a twitch of amusement. Liam had caught him off guard but somehow that just wasn't surprising. Barney had never exactly been a covert operative. Sure he could do it but nothing like someone trained specifically in that area. Whole time he had to wonder while he was looking for Liam – how long had Liam known and how long had he'd avoiding him or had been losing him on purpose. Predictably the former SAS soldier had found him first and when he'd wanted to be found. Not on Barney's terms.

“Yeah I have.” Barney answered honestly, not bothering to make quips or jokes although he was smiling when he answered.

“What for?”

“I think you know what for.”

“I'm not going to join your merry band of homicidal maniacs.”

“Is that what they're calling us now?” Barney asked wryly.

“I wouldn't exactly use the term 'merry'.”

Barney half turned, putting his arm on the back of his chair to do it, giving the man behind him a look at last.

He'd barely changed and yet he had. Hell they'd both aged but Barney still had a good twenty years on him. Didn't feel that way in a lot of respects. Liam had always carried himself as an 'old soul' and he couldn’t lie, that was something that had been attractive to him since the start.

Liam looked up, lowering his own newspaper and returned the look but something about it wavered and deep inside him, Barney felt that hollow place he thought he'd left behind ache. He tried to smile to cover it up, “You look good.”

“You look old.” Liam deadpanned.

Barney shook his head with a laugh, smile spreading into a bit of a grin, “Boy you haven't changed.”

A twitch of a smile appeared at Liam's lips and he sat back in his chair, letting out a short breath. “We both haven't.”

It was said softly and probably not with the amount of emotion that was intended. To anyone else it might have been missed but Barney certainly didn't miss it, nodding a bit. “Yeah.”

They hadn't changed a bit.

A shadow passed over Liam's face and the former SAS man somewhat abruptly stood, “If you came here for that, you know your answer.”

Barney didn't make a big scene about trying to stop him from leaving, getting up smoothly and moving to follow, folding his newspaper and dropping it on the table in front of him. He knew Liam wouldn't cause a scene either and Barney was figuring he'd parked in a discreet location – all the better to talk privately.

He could tell by the tense line of the younger man's shoulders that he hadn't wanted to be followed but he'd known that already. He just wasn't letting this go and he had a feeling Liam knew that too. Call him a stubborn son of a bitch but Barney just called it conviction in what your gut knew to be true. And he knew Liam needed him.

“This place is getting too hot for you. You'll have to leave eventually.” Barney said, picking up the conversation again as they turned predictably into a back alley.

“You don't know that.” the younger British soldier returned without glancing back.

“I do and you do.”

Liam abruptly rounded on him, his expression fleetingly pained, “What's your point?” he asked, his voice a bit strained.

“My point is that The Expendables are a good deal of men short for the jobs we've been getting lately.” Barney finished crossing the short distance between them with a step that seemed to cross a world of boundaries for both of them. “My point is that you know names. But more than that, more than everything else, you're a damn good soldier, a damn good pilot, in an area too hot to handle you and you're looking at being outta work when that happens. Or worse.”

Barney let his words settle and spoke a bit softer but no less intently when he continued, “Way I see it, we can help each other both out.”

“You can't help me and I can't help you.” Liam said after a short moment of silence, turning away from him and starting back down the alley to a waiting black, perfectly maintained, glossy BMW.

“I know if you don't give me a shot to try you're going to be wondering if I could have for the rest of whatever life you have left here.” Barney said calmly, putting his hands in his pockets and watching him walk away.

Liam stopped walking and after a pause, Barney started forward with easy, measured steps. “I know that you look up at the sky, wishing you were up there instead. I know you like what you do but I know what you wish you were really doing.”

By this point, he'd gotten close enough to the man to touch, stopping there and drawing in a breath, pitching his voice a bit more gentle. “I know you miss it. I know you miss the sky, the freedom. I know you miss doing good work, work that isn't hurting good people... I know this business. I know it's just one job away from getting your morals mixed up and finding yourself in a whole mess of trouble so dark you can no longer see your way out of.”

“Barney...” Liam said, sounding infinitely pained, half turning to him but not meeting his eyes.

“I can help Li.” Barney murmured intently, hand just shy of touching his back, his own voice a bit strained with emotions and not just at the shortened version of his name. More than anything he wanted Liam to let him try.

“You can't help me, Barney.” Liam managed, blinking back suspiciously what looked like tears, turning quickly back to the car with somewhat shaking hands, “No one can.”

“Li. Liam!” Barney said, letting out a breath as the driver's side door closed between them and in a seconds brief moment of spinning tires – he was practically gone down the alley, leaving the hollow ache in his chest suddenly feeling sharply much worse – his fingers sharing the feeling where he'd just nearly touched Liam's back.

Explosively he let out a breath when he was gone, taking off his cap, running a hand through his hair, “You're too close to this, you're way too close this.” he muttered to himself.

Dropping his hands back to his sides, he looked towards the now empty alley and where Liam had disappeared just seconds before. The sense of panic was lingering, wondering if that had been his only shot.

He wasn't going to let it be. He'd gotten close and he could feel that. He wasn't giving up now. Especially not after seeing how much Liam was hurting. Barney could only guess at how bad it had been but the broken look in his eyes he'd seen just a glimpse of, the shadows on his face as if some sort of inner torment was dogging him, and the fact alone that he physically couldn't leave the country by plane or boat … it was deep. This ran deep and it ran deep for both of them. But Barney wasn't leaving Liam to rot here in his own hell, eventually a prison. Not by a long shot.

But finding him again took weeks. This time however he did better than before. He managed to find out where the guy lived, not an easy feat but he was persistent and that paid off in the long run. Also in the long run Liam was apparently trying to live an ordinary life and keep up appearances directly alongside his illegal operations. It was like a fight between denial and making a living the only way he knew how without sacrificing anything or retiring. Made it easier to find him, but shockingly too easy. He could only wonder when all this would crash down around Liam's head and he was determined to be there before it did.

Barney didn't come this far to be sneaky, extending a level of trust to be either taken or discarded as he calmly parked in his driveway and knocked on the front door.

Long moments passed and Barney thought that maybe he wasn't going to answer but he did, opening the door to him, expression looking equal parts pained and weary. But Barney said nothing, waiting for the younger man to make the first move. In the end it was only Liam that could.

Liam considered him a moment and then sighed, dropping his hand away from the door and motioning inside with the other. It was a nice place, Barney didn't have to say that out loud. He was making a living for himself and a great one at that. But to Liam, he'd always said it was never about the money. Considering the man after his discharge had taken to an illegal type of work with the least amount of harm towards others Barney believed that but he had before. It was something that had put them a bit at odds, Liam believing in country, valor and honor and protecting the lives of others versus mercenaries who seemed to be in favor of money and power with no regards to anything else.

Barney had agreed. He didn't like those types either and refused to be one and he didn't see that ever changing.

“For the record we only have one homicidal maniac.” Barney said as he followed Liam into the kitchen. Although sometimes he wondered about Yang's sanity for having a relationship with the maniac in question. Hell at one time he'd wondered that about himself too.

“Would you like a beer?”

Undaunted, Barney nodded, “Sure.”

He followed him towards the kitchen, accepting the proffered beer he was handed and twisted the cap off with his palm, “I understand how you feel about the line of work-” he continued, dropping the cap on the table.

“You seem to miss the very blatant fact that I haven't found a way out of this country without running into some sort of body of water.” Liam said tersely, leaning over a bit across the table, eyes flashing.

“Talk to me about that.” Barney said, meeting his gaze levelly.

Liam straightened and the former SAS soldier turned his back on him, reaching for the fridge again, “There's nothing to talk about.”

“I'd be here if there was or if there wasn't. Either way I'm here for you.”

That evoked a short measure of silence.“And you're not leaving here without me is that it?”

Barney somehow... somehow didn't miss the note of apprehension that border-lined on fear in his voice and the line in Liam's shoulders spoke of pain and exhaustion. But the fear wasn't of him. Not even close.

“Not without your say. Not until you're ready.”

“What makes you think you can help me and why would you even want too?” Liam asked, tersely once more but not quite as much as the first time – sounding confused and a bit desperate for an answer.

Barney's reply was immediate, taking a step forward, “I'll tell you why.” he said, “Because you're a soldier, an honorable one whose in it for the right thing. You're the best. You're one the best goddamn soldiers I've ever met-” he stopped himself, drawing in a breath, “-and because I'll never forget how well you and me fit. The Expendables need that. We need more people we can trust... and I _know_ you miss it."

“What about us.” Liam said flatly, looking almost angry with him but Barney remained undaunted.

“I'm not asking for it back. You can't tell me we didn't have a good thing and my heart...” he hesitated but he knew honesty, often brutal honesty, was the only way to go about the man in front of him, “-has been missing a piece since we parted ways. I won't deny that. You ever want my heart... it was already yours. That hasn't changed. I'm just asking for you to give me a chance. Take it or leave it what you want that chance to be but there's the truth. All of it.”

“You really think you can help me?”

To his credit now, his voice lacked any heat at all that there had been there before – hazel green eyes softened with nearly too many emotions there to read. The words themselves sounded hard to get out, as if such a thing wasn't possible and even suggesting it was an insult. The anger didn't feel directed at Barney but at the pain itself.

“Yes.” Barney said, resting his knuckles on the table in front of him and leaning in a bit, meeting his eyes as intently as he could.

Liam hesitated, opening his mouth to say something but at first words didn't come out. “It was a plane crash.” he finally said.

“Over the Red Sea.” Barney said, softening his voice.

Liam gave him a somewhat surprised look but the troubled look in his eyes far outweighed it, “You know?”

“Not all the details. I couldn't get my hands on much.”

“And you're still here?”

Begging him to understand with the words he couldn't exactly say out loud, not yet anyway, he gave the same affirmative answer as before, “Yes. So tell me about it.”

“I...” he hesitated and swallowed hard, reaching out for a chair. Barney sat with him, near to him on his right side but with still a foot between – just enough to make his presence known but he didn't want to crowd him either, waiting patiently for the other man to go on. 

“It was... a mission near Giza. We were going to make a drop.” he swallowed heavily, gripping his own beer and looking down at the table in front of him, “Something went wrong –”

Recognizing the need for details, one pilot to another, he interrupted as gently as he could, “Tell me.”

“It was an unusually cold night, even for the area. It was... it was windy. More air turbulence. We were over the middle of the Sea – the ailerons failed. Ice on the wings. Everything locked up and... a sudden downdraft pushed the plane downwards. It stalled –”

A little alarmed by how he was breathing, or rather by how he wasn't and by how pale he looked, Barney quickly grabbed the bottom of his chair and pulled it closer to Liam's, “Hey, hey.” he murmured softly, quickly. “I'm right here.” gently touching his arm, he moved it up to his shoulder and back down to his elbow, “Then what?”

“It was all a fluke thing really – so many things happening at once. We tried to shake the plane, get the ice off but it failed. We... we hit the water. Tried to get out but some of us were injured, a few unconscious. Myself and the other pilot were trapped in the cockpit under the force of the water. I don't – I don't remember getting out –”

Recognizing a panic attack when it was coming, Barney moved when he got a break in his story and the worst of it was all out – taking his hand and gripping it gently as he solidly wrapped his other arm around him, “Sit up for me Li. Sit up and breathe. Deep breaths. Listen to my voice and breathe-” he coaxed firmly, leaning close. Even though he looked to be in extraordinary pain, breathing shallowly and his complexion a sickly white – Liam gripped his hand hard and complied, Barney nodding, “Good – that's it just breathe... keep breathing.” he said, breathing with him, giving him something calm to mimic.

“ _Fuck_.” Liam said, taking a breath and holding it – letting it out a bit explosively and abruptly letting go of his hand, “This is why I can't –”

Barney withdrew a bit, straightening slightly but keeping a hand on his shoulder and resting his other hand on the table, “You've tried.” he said, less a question than a statement.

“Of course I tried!” Liam snapped, pushing away from the table, Barney quickly moving out of his way and stepping back as the other man paced over to the other side of the kitchen, “Of course I tried!” he said a bit brokenly, “I was the only one that survived the plane crash. George he – he cut me out and I – I didn't want to leave him but he I tried and – he was already dead –”

Barney raised his hands  in what he hoped was a placating way, taking a few calm steps towards him as Liam weaved in and out of present and past and rapidly headed towards another panic attack, “You tried. I know you would have done everything you could.” he said gently.

“I thought I was okay!” Liam said, continuing in a rush, “And then leaving for a mission we reached the runway and I … I saw the plane and lost it. I got dizzy, I puked my guts out and nearly fainted! Right there in front of everyone! So – so they tried to be accommodating, they tried a wet take off from a dock.”

Liam abruptly stopped and Barney was almost afraid to ask, “What happened?”

“I didn't get anywhere near it – I ...” looking torn between fainting and leaving the room, Barney quickly moved closer – worried he might do either.

As soon as his hands made contact, Liam was shoving him away, words coming out in an angry rush, “I got so lightheaded I couldn't fucking see! I just remember the world spinning and – and this fear and panic. I pissed myself! I got so fucking scared I fucking pissed myself! In front of a bunch of SOS guys! You happy? Are you fucking happy! You can't help!”

“Yes I can –” Barney said, shaken but undeterred. “It's going to be tough as hell but we can do it –”

Angrily, Liam shoved him when he tried to reach out again but Barney immediately caught him, fending off his tired blows and suddenly happy there wasn't something sharp around.

Armed to arm combat he was dangerous enough but there was no way Barney could stop a knife from him... he wouldn't admit it out loud but he knew it. And some hits did land solidly, but Barney didn't flinch – finally managing to get him in enough of a hold to stop him, “We can do it! I know we can! If it were anyone else? I wouldn't think so! But we can.”

“Anyone else but you?” Liam asked weakly.

“No wise guy –” Barney smiled, his tone gently teasing, tilting his head down to meet his eyes, “Anyone else but you.”

“I'm not that strong Barney. I'm not. Not anymore.”

“Yes you are.” Barney said more authoritatively, raising his voice and gripping his arms – pulling him back a bit. “I read some of your file. Whatever I could get my hands on. You've survived hell. More times than you ever should have and you finally snapped. It would eventually happen to anyone! But if anyone can come back from this it's you. You and me. So are you with me?”

“Barney..”

“Are you with me?” Barney asked, raising his voice, military commander more than former lover – raising his head and giving Liam a level look.

“Yes!” Liam snapped back, deflating a bit but nodding and saying more quietly, “I am.”

“We're going to do this. I just need to know you're with me.” he said, softening his voice.

“I'm with you.” Liam said, voice quiet but... a strength there that wasn't before. A determination. More of the man that he'd met all those years in Israel shinning through. He'd done such a good job of hiding what a wreck he was, probably to himself too, that Barney hadn't realized much of who he was had been drowned in pain and trauma. Literally.

Barney relaxed with a breath, pulling him into his arms, both shocked and not when Liam didn't fight, going with him for the time being at least and resting a bit limply against his chest. And while Liam didn't touch him with his hands, the fact that he didn't fight at all and allowed it meant the world to Barney – who reached up to reassure him of that and express a bit of his thanks with a hand to his head, caressing down to the back of his neck and giving a brief squeeze. “We're going to do this.” he said, placing a brief kiss on the top of his head, “It'll happen.”

“Okay, okay.” Liam breathed, pulling away from his arms and shrugging off his hands, “Dammit Barney you're going to be the death of me.” he breathed.

“I could easily argue that you're going to be the death of me.” Barney smiled, pointing to him briefly.

“And yet you're here.”

“Speaking of that, we get started tomorrow. I'll be here at nine sharp.”

“Remember that I'm not a morning person eh?” Liam smiled.

“It's more for you than for me.” Barney smiled, heading towards the door, “Just be ready.”

“I am.”

And the quiet way he said it, the conviction, the sureness is what turned Barney around. Though Liam looked tired, a bit defeated, and weary as hell – a man that had appropriately been through it – he looked ready. Like a man who'd dealt with this for already far too long. He was ready. 


	2. Not So Easy Does It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mending broken wings is never easy but it's the first tentative steps that are the hardest. Will Christmas crash or fly?

While Liam wasn't a morning person Barney definitely considered himself to be. There was nothing like the quiet, the start of a day. He'd never admit it out loud, but the sound of the world waking up was something he looked forward to. Liked to sit and just listen to it sometimes, take a moment to be and get his mind together. He called it his 'meditating'. Years in the service had all but broken him on sleeping past seven in the morning anyway.

Waiting with his hands in his pockets about fifty yards from where he'd docked his plane, the slight coolness of the air didn't bother him. Generally he was hotblooded, he didn't exactly feel it. Over the years anymore it was a wonder what he felt. Another difference about between them, Liam generally disliking the cold to a severe degree. No shock he'd come to someplace warmer like Venice.

Barney watched as Liam pulled up in his black BMW, the man dressed just as warmly as Barney – late by only a minute but that was telling. Barney had already been here, sleeping in the interior compartment of the plane, the small heater in it just good enough to keep him warm. The old war plane was big enough to afford cabin beds and Barney had invested in that, an investment that had come in handy a number of times in the past.

He'd woken up just past six, went to a local place down the road – a good place – for coffee and some breakfast and came back. They'd agreed on nine and Barney had decided to give them ample space between them, the dock, and the plane.

For a man as punctual as Liam, for a transporter with such a high reputation, a minute late was practically an hour. Barney knew he was scared. He didn't looked it, but the tense, wary expression on his face that he was trying to hide and the worried look in his eyes he wasn't doing as good of job hiding was the biggest tell.

Shooting a glance at the dock as Liam shut the driver's side door behind him and put his hands in his pockets, Barney noted that this was good. Real good. Barney was fifty feet from him and fifty feet from the plane. Liam was standing by himself, looking at it, and that was a big step if he'd seen any. Time might have done to help heal some things. Maybe this wouldn't be nearly so bad.

Barney inwardly berated himself for possibly thinking too soon though when Liam's breath became noticeably uneven and he paled, reaching out for the car and looking away from the dock. Barney was already moving at the first unsteady hitch in his breathing and got to him just as the man started to shake. “Hey, hey-” he called, letting his voice be the calm anchor before he could get close enough to touch, his hands there just seconds after his voice – taking Liam into his arms and easing him close into a firm, close embrace.

“I gotcha. I gotcha.” he soothed, voice no more than a whisper, reaching up and putting a hand to the back of his head. With a bit more steady hands, Liam reached up and gripped the arms of Barney's coat, letting out a short – shaky breath and turning his gaze back to the plane and the dock past Barney's shoulder.

“That's good.” Barney said, watching him, “Look as much as you can. Get a nice, good look.”

Dropping his hand down to rub the former SAS soldier's back in firm, gentle strokes, he made the circles a bit quick – both coaxing and warming. He didn't know if Liam was cold, but he knew he'd appreciate the gesture – the man officer averting his gaze away from the plane after a moment and turning his head into his neck and shoulder, breaths warm against his skin. Barney rewarded him with a brief kiss to the top of his head, pulling back a bit carefully – keeping a steady grip on his arms just in case. The way Liam was holding onto him, and the way he'd looked earlier, Barney wasn't ready to risk letting him go just yet and that was confirmed by what Liam said next.

“Don't – don't let me go.”

“I won't.” Barney assured him, “I'm right here and you're doing great. We're not going to do anymore today. You may not know it but what you did and you're doing is incredible.”

Liam gave a somewhat incredulous sound but he looked a bit more relaxed, Barney tipping his head down to try and catch his eyes. “I'm serious. Judging from what you told me happened before? This is amazing. And you did that.”

“Without you...”

“Hey you did that before I got to ya'.” Barney smiled, “I was clear over there.”

Seeing how how much this small but big step had taken out of Liam, Barney rubbed his hands over his arms, giving them a quick squeeze. “You're doing great. We're going to take this one day at a time. No rush.”

“You planning on retiring here?” Liam smiled.

“Not by a long shot.” Barney smiled back, carefully adjusting his hands – switching places between them with one hand on his other arm and then the other to his back, “I gotcha. Think you can drive?”

“Once I'm sitting I'll be fine.”

“Okay-” Barney reached out for the door, tucking an arm securely around him to keep him steady.

Helping Liam into the car, he shut the door and waited for him to roll the window down – resting his hands on the bottom frame of the open window when he did, “Same time tomorrow.”

Liam nodded, slipping his sunglasses on – Barney backing away from the car and putting his hands back into his pockets after giving him a wave with a brief, raised hand. Matter of minutes it was already over but it had given Barney _a lot_ to think about.

Make no mistake, this was bad but he had already known that. Despite it all Liam had shown him a promising amount of strength today and a desire for change. He didn't want to go on living his life that way, who would, and Barney was more determined than ever, even with this brief glimpse into just how bad it could be, to get him out of this country and some place safer. To take him home.

 

* * *

It started off with steps. The next day was a step towards the plane, a brief bit of panic, Barney letting him retreat back to the car. The next day, a step hadn't happened on his own. The fear from the day before and it had taken more coaxing...

_Barney turned his back to the plane, backing up a step or two away from Liam and holding out his hand, “C'mon.” he said, meeting his eyes intently._

“ _Barney I can't -” Liam managed._

“ _I'm not asking you to walk towards the plane, I'm asking you to come to me.”_

_Liam met his eyes for a long moment and Barney held his hand out steady, both of their breaths coming out cool in the morning air, nothing but the sounds of a few birds to break the silence that stretched on._

_In actuality it was barely ten seconds but they felt like far longer and somehow shorter, Liam slowly taking a step forward – looking as though his legs were as heavy as lead. Barney knew what fear and terror could do to you. He'd had a nightmare as a kid when he was real little and he still remembered trying to scream but nothing coming out, wanting to run but not being able to move._

_The fact that Liam was moving at all was an incredible display of strength, adults felt it too – anyone did. Barney didn't want to recount his own nightmares, both living and not, but he related and he understood. Anyone human and with a brain in their head could._

_Liam reached out his hand as his foot flatly met the ground a step ahead of him, their fingers almost touching as Liam moved his other foot forward. Barney stayed silent and unwavering, waiting patiently and trying not to hold his breath. But as their fingers touched and Liam took that other step forward, Barney hadn't entirely been successful – letting out a soft breath and grasping Liam's hand in own – catching him with an arm around his waist as that final step brought him into his arms._

“ _That'a way, Li. That'a way.” he breathed, holding him close – turning his head to briefly place a kiss against his neck before repeating his earlier words with a gentle pat of his back._

The next day came more progress, surprisingly in the form of Liam taking a few bold, determined steps towards the plane – followed by an immediate retreat. Barney had been ready to step in, on his way to him, but Liam waved him off and made a determined second attempt. He'd gotten three steps that time, on his own, before a sudden panic attack took him – Barney rushing forward this time and there to catch him and talk him down, which had taken a considerable amount of effort.

He'd praised the attempt, it was good to see Liam fighting back, but he'd warned him gently but sternly not to push it and that he wasn't alone, they were in this together.

Taking his words to heart apparently, the next day Liam had taken those steps with Barney's hand firmly grasped in his own, even managing a third after a gentle, coaxing squeeze from the man beside him before stopping again. Shockingly, it hadn't ended there...

“ _Li...” Barney questioned softly, watching him stare at the plane with a stormy sea of emotions buried in his intense gaze. Determination, anger, like the whole of that plane was the cause of all his problems and it was the one obstacle in his way. And if by staring at it, he could stare down the problem of it too, the memories – the experience._

“ _I want to do this Barney. I've never wanted anything more in my life.”_

“ _I know. It'll come.” he assured him, giving his hand a consoling squeeze. “It'll come, Li.”_

They'd stood there for a few minutes longer, all Barney would let him, not wanting it to end on a bad note or when he couldn't stand it anymore. But Liam seemed all too ready. The progress was back and forth but each day was a step or more. The distance was starting to lessen and his anxiety seemed to be both getting worse and getting better all the same time.

It was getting more intense. Barney was preparing himself for just how bad it could get but not anticipating it. He stayed as calm and relaxed as he could – something in his gut telling him that Liam was reaching an apex, a point of no return. Steadily something was building. They were near to half way from the car to the plane after ten days and that was both significant and prevalent to the feeling of reaching a peak with it all. He wasn't shocked when it came explosively.

Something within him seemed to break, Liam making a break for it back to the car – moving to leave in an angry and tense stride. It felt too final, and something within Barney reacted before he knew what he was doing. Something within him just knew that if Liam walked away now, he might not come back for days or ever. So he reached out and grabbed him, pulling him back around and planting his feet firmly as the other man predictably tried to pull away – not exactly struggling so much as leaning and Barney felt it wasn't him he was really fighting, but the plane just over his shoulder instead and the water beneath it.

“Hey, hey, hey!” Barney said, tightening his grip. He wasn't moving, he'd decided that already and a bit more panic set in with Liam feeling the weight of his determination. “It's okay. It's okay. Liam? Liam look at me.”

“I can't-” the former soldier's tone was practically pleading.

“Yes you can baby.” Barney said, the pet name slipping and his voice catching juts a bit. “Just look at me baby c'mon now-”

“I can't!”

“Yes you can!” Barney snapped firmly, commandingly.

Quieting his tone again, he didn't pull Liam closer, just held him right where he was, not allowing the other man to retreat, “Look at me Li.” he urged softly.

Liam's eyes flickered to the plane, back down to the ground and then settled on his right shoulder. “Look at me.” Barney urged again, low, soothing, and firm.

Tightening his jaw, Liam finally looked up – their eyes meeting, gazes connecting in a type of intensity that Barney wasn't sure he'd been ready for. But he took a moment to gather himself, making sure his voice was steady when he spoke, “I know you're scared-”

Immediately Liam tried to pull away again but Barney winced and held on, Liam in the suddenness of it actually managing to bring him forward a step.

Barney regained whatever progress had been lost, putting his foot right back and taking Liam with him, exactly to where he'd been before. In the end, his strength won out.

“Li...” afraid he was losing him, Barney braced himself and pulled Li the final distance between them into his arms – letting him go only to take him into a firm, holding embrace, “I know you're scared.” he continued, “I know you're scared and you've got a thousand and one images flashing through your head right now. But I'm real Li. I'm real and I'm right here –” he reached down and took a hold of Liam's hand, the other man letting out a somewhat broken sound as Barney pressed it against his chest.

“You feel that?” he murmured, his voice a bit rough with emotion as he held Liam's hand firmly over his chest, “That's real. That's real and it's all for you. I'm here Li and I'm not going to let anything happen to you while my heart is beating.”

Taking shallow, shaky breaths – hands now fisted in the back of Barney's shirt, grasping onto the fabric like it was the only thing and the man wearing it that was keeping him standing, Liam let out a breath and pressed his face into the crook of his shoulder, “Fuck.” he cursed softly, the tension leaving his body in a rush.

Barney drew in a breath, the palms of his hands pressed firmly into the other man's back, and continued on softly, “You know the biggest thing about you that I know, from the little time we spent together, is that it's not the fear. It's that you feel it. You don't like that and I get it. But it's not a weakness, it's what keeps us alive. Shoving it aside don't work, ignoring it don't work. You have to face down what's causing it and go after it. Then it'll go away or get better. You can't run from it forever Li.”

A week passed and with those seven days behind them, every fight, every step forward and every step back – it had all led to this. All the progress had finally reached a climax, a point of no return, that Barney was sure would either make or break it all.

They were well away from the car now, sometimes Barney liked to build him up by just sitting a ways away from it and being there. More often they tried more steps, but he didn't often run anymore – Barney moving from between him and the plane, to behind him and the plane in front. Giving him something solid to retreat against without the running part.

But now, seven days after Liam had nearly retreated for good, Barney knew this might be the biggest moment since that first step forward the second day, since he'd shown up the first day. It was all up to Liam now, Barney breathless that they'd gotten this far – him standing on the dock now, Liam just inches from him on solid ground. And for this, this alone, Barney wanted to kiss him – tell him how proud he was and how he couldn't be prouder. They were within six feet of the plane now, Barney having parked it on a short dock, to avoid anymore walking than Liam would have to do, in a secluded area devoid of people.

“You're doing so good Li.” he praised soothingly, in awe that it was even happening, holding both his hands in his own – thumbs smoothing firmly and reassuringly over the tops of them. They were mostly looking at their feet, Liam seemingly trying to gather himself for that first step off dry land since the accident. “I gotcha.” Barney reminded him, seeing Liam start to edge towards making his move – ready to move when he did to give him just enough space to take that first step, “You can do it baby I'm right here.”

The pet name had stuck, only used in times of extreme duress and during those times Liam was far too distracted by anxiety and fear to scold him with a glare.

Their hands were grasped firmly, each of their wrists over the other – crossed in front of each other – Barney giving both of Liam's hands a squeeze, “I gotcha. I'm right here.”

Liam made as if to move and Barney drew in a breath, “That's it...” he drew his foot back as Liam brought his forward and within the space of a second – the former soldiers foot was right where his had been a second before, solid on the wooden dock.

Practically moved to tears, Barney blinked and looked up at him, grinning a bit, “See? I gotcha. You're doing great. You're doing incredible. I'm right here.” he said, gripping his hands gently and giving them another reassuring squeeze. “You can do it Li.”

Liam's look of intense concentration broke for a second and he almost smiled, letting out a nervous sound that might have been a laugh, “Not quite there yet.”

“You're heading in the right direction.” Barney smiled broadly, giving his hands another squeeze, “Wanna to try for one more step?”

Liam hesitated and Barney was quick to motivate him that last step off dry land. “Just one more step baby. It's just one step.”

More hesitation and Barney gave his hands a brief squeeze, “C'mon on baby.” he murmured softly, “One more step between you and me and then you'll be in my arms. Nice and warm and safe. Right here baby.” he watched Liam gather himself with a slow breath and rubbed his thumbs over the tops of his hands, giving them another brief squeeze, “Ready for that last step? Think you can try?”

Liam nodded quickly, barest of smiles long gone and the look of determination returning – grasping Barney's hands tightly as he decisively made that last and final step.

Barney wanted to take him right into his arms and hold him for all that it was worth but he restrained himself just barely, grinning and laughing, gripping his hands gently, watching him to make sure he was okay, “You did it. You're right here with me.”

Though he wasn't breathing the best, looking a bit shaky and pale, Liam grinned suddenly – Barney unable to resist and taking him into his arms, giving him what he'd promised, holding him as tight as he dared, “You did it!” he laughed, wiping a hand hastily at his eyes and resting it on the back of Liam's neck, “You did it-” he whispered, “You did it Li.”

“Yeah.” Liam laughed a bit unsteadily, “Now get me off.”

“Okay.” Barney said immediately and he didn't think his smile was going to go anywhere soon, turning just a bit where they were standing and wrapping an arm around him securely, “Take my hand. I gotcha. Dry land is right there.”

Liam grasped gratefully onto his hand and Barney helped him off the dock, that one step onto the ground ahead – Liam seeming to lose steadily whatever strength he'd had and collapsing a bit to the ground, heavily sitting in the grass – sharing Barney's smile but it was a bit more unsteady.

Barney went with him, sitting close and patting his leg, “You did it!” he laughed. 

“Holy fuck I did it.” Liam breathed, as if realizing it for the first time, laughing a bit and by all appearances – trying to catch his breath, staring at the plane in front of him, so close now, in nothing short of wonder and amazement, tinted with more than a bit of shocked disbelief.

It had been an ordeal, a huge step, a huge milestone for facing his fears. But the look he was giving the plane now wasn't wary. There was a sense of peace there that hadn't been before. He looked a bit daunted but he looked like a man that had just won something huge, accomplished something great. Great easily wasn't a word big enough.

Into the silence that followed, Liam took a deep breath – turning a smile his direction, “Tell me more about The Expendables.” 


End file.
